The Direction of His Dreams
by Ari Moriarty
Summary: Eighth in the rapidly-expanding "Dreamgirl" series. For the first time he can remember, Shinjiro has his whole life ahead of him. Unfortunately, there's only one thing he's ever really wanted, and it's still the one thing that he can never have.
1. One: Future

**Author's Note: **Okay, so, I know that I write too many of these short side stories, but I just finished a playthrough of P3P and I need to freewrite to get rid of the feelings.

I'm not exactly sure what I'm about to write, but whatever it is it will take place after Chapter 52 of **The Wildest Dreams, **and will thus be a companion piece to the **Dreamgirl** series.

**One: Future**

"Hey," called Shinji, as Akihiko unlocked the door and dragged himself into the living room. "Welcome back."

"Yeah, finally," muttered Akihiko, closing the door behind him and sinking gratefully down on to the couch. "I'm beat. This sucks. It's only six o'clock and already I've had enough for the day. Never thought I could ever feel this weak…it's pathetic."

Shinjiro gave him a lopsided grin. "I guess now you know what it feels like to be a normal person. I used to get exhausted just watching the way you went at everything like a fucking wrecking ball."

"Well, now I don't have a choice," retorted Akihiko miserably. "I hate it."

Shinjiro snorted a laugh. "Yeah. I guess I wouldn't know anything about that," he muttered sarcastically.

Akihiko blinked, looked over at him, and then cleared his throat, clearly embarrassed. "Look, Shinji, that's not what I meant."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. Don't worry about it." Shinjiro waved that away. "I'm used to being a weak-ass piece of shit by now anyway. It's better than being dead, I guess."

Again, he grinned to take some of the sting out of his words, but Akihiko didn't smile back.

"Hey, Shinji," he began hesitantly. "Does it, uh…does it hurt?"

"Huh?" Shinji raised an eyebrow. "What are you talking about?"

"You what I mean. I'm asking if you're in a lot of pain," said Akihiko. "I can never tell with you. You're always complaining about the shit I do, and you never shut up about the stuff I get wrong, but you're pretty damn quiet when it comes to your own shit. You never talk about yourself, and you don't bitch. If it hurts, I can't tell, and that makes me nervous."

Shinjiro shrugged. "Yeah," he said. "It hurts. Trust me, that's all you want to know."

"No, seriously, tell me," Insisted Akihiko. "Hey, look, it doesn't have to be like it used to between us. You can talk to me. If there's anything I can do to make it better for you, you have to let me know. I'm not good at picking up on signals, and I'm not gonna try to learn now."

Shinjiro sighed. "My body's been trying to kill itself for years. I don't get exactly why; the doctor said it's got something do with my 'losing the will to live,' or some shit like that. Anyway, whatever I did to me, I did it good. Half my organs don't do what they're supposed to. Every time I stand up, my heart starts pounding, and every couple of steps I take, I start to pass out. I feel like you just socked me in the gut most of the time because I can't get enough air in my damn lungs, and every time I wake up I have a headache like something's trying to dig its way of my skull with a spoon."

Akihiko winced. "That, uh…that sounds pretty bad."

"Yeah," agreed Shinjiro. "It's bad. Aren't you glad you asked?"

"Well, sort of," said Akihiko. "I guess it's better to know, right? Anyway, if you haven't seen it already, they sell some pretty good stuff at that Shiroku place. I'll get you some painkiller to help with the headaches, at least."

"Forget it." Shinjiro shook his head. "I don't do drugs."

Akihiko looked exasperated. "Oh, come on. They aren't really drugs, it's just a little medicine."

"Same thing," returned Shinjiro stubbornly. "Those fucking pills I used to take were a kind of 'medicine,' too. I don't take that shit anymore. Whatever I feel is what I feel. I can handle it. I don't need any help with it."

Akihiko sighed. "Forget I asked," he muttered. "You're just pissing me off, and anyway, I'm starving. Let's get dinner."

"Right." Shinjiro nodded. "What do you want?"

He started to get to his feet, stopped, took a deep breath, and then sank back on to the couch.

"Shinji?" asked Aki.

Shinjiro glared at him. "Just give me a second, okay?" With slightly more care this time, he slid himself off of the couch and into his chair, resting a moment before wheeling the chair around to face Akihiko. "Well? What are having? I can't make it if I don't know what it is."

"What? You're not making anything," Akihiko informed him. "Just relax. We'll order in. Aiya delivers."

"I don't care if they deliver," muttered Shinjiro. "You ate Aiya yesterday and on Monday, too. You can't eat that fatty shit every day, especially since you're barely working out any more."

Akihiko's mouth fell open. "Barely working out? What the hell are you talking about? I spent three hours at the gym after work yesterday. Sure, maybe that's not my best effort, but it's not like I…"

He trailed off, because Shinjiro had started laughing.

"Damn," said Shinjiro, "you're way too easy. Come on, what do you want for dinner?"

Akihiko muttered an oath under his breath, and began wheeling Shinjiro into the kitchen, where Shinjiro transferred himself into a seat at the table.

"Fine." Akihiko wracked his brain for something easy. "How about a fried rice omelet. You up for that?"

"That's weird," remarked Shinjiro. "Pretty sure that's what Ken asked me to make him on Monday night, right?"

Akihiko shrugged. "Yeah, I had the leftovers. They was good. Been craving an omelet since. Look, if you're not up for it-!"

"Get me some eggs," interrupted Shinjiro. "I can't reach the cabinet."

While Shinjiro cooked, Akihiko hovered around him, looking like he was trying not to get too excited about the delicious smells that were taking over the kitchen. Shinjiro chuckled to himself and pretended not to notice.

_I could get used to this, _he thought. _This isn't so bad. _

"Uh…hey, Shinji," began Akihiko. "This is kind of a weird question, but…what are you thinking about doing, now that you're out of the hospital?"

Shinjiro paused with the frying pan in mid-air. "Huh? What do you mean?"

"I mean, you can't just make me breakfast and dinner all the time for the rest of your life," said Akihiko. "Not that I mind, and I'm not gonna kick you out. You can stay here as long as you want, and that's always gonna be fine by me, but…uh, isn't there anything that you want? I mean, you've got options, now. Sure, maybe you'll never be a professional athlete, but there's still stuff you can do. Haven't you ever thought about what you'd want to do with your life if you weren't stuck in the hospital anymore?"

Shinjiro thought about that for a second.

_Something I want, huh? _He frowned to himself.

"The future? Nah," he lied. "Never really thought about it before. Not like I had much of a reason to."


	2. Two: Afterglow

**Author's Note: **Aha! My favorite anonymous reviewer, are you by any chance a ShinjiixMinako fan? I hope so. If so, then we're both going to enjoy the future of the **Dreamgir**l series…uh, I think. You know, assuming I don't completely screw it up.

**Two: Afterglow**

**Flashback – October 2, 2009**

It was already almost midnight, and the dorm had gone quiet in expectation of the Dark Hour. Shinjiro lay in his bare little room on his too-short little bed, his heart still pounding painfully like a bass drum. It was uncomfortable, but he didn't care, because Minako was curled up beside him, her head on his chest. The electrifying feeling of her skin against his was keeping him on edge, but when he reached over on a whim to brush some hair out of her face, she opened her eyes and smiled.

_This can't be happening, _he thought. _Guys like me don't have luck like this. This is something else, like out of a dream. _

As Shinjiro gazed incredulously down at her, Minako laughed, winked, and stuck her tongue out at him.

"H-hey," he muttered, startled. "What was that for?"

"You look so serious," she scolded gently. "What's wrong? Don't you like this?"

Shinjiro found himself grinning at her. He couldn't help it. She had that effect on him. Every time he looked at her, he felt his face start breaking into one of those stupid, nervous smiles, which was strange considering he wasn't usually a smiley kind of guy.

"You sure are a piece of work," he told her, shaking his head and laughing under his breath.

"You," Minako pointed out, sticking her finger into his ribs, "didn't answer my question."

"Hey, lay off." He pretended to wince, she laughed again, and then she suddenly squirmed a little to loosen his grip on her, leaned over, and kissed him.

"Wha-?" He managed before her lips closed over his, and he got lost in what it felt like to be living a dream. He pulled her back into his arms, and the gentle kiss quickly deepened and increased in intensity until he could feel his body heating up in response.

"Whoa, um…we, uh, better not." With some difficulty, he forced himself to pull his lips away from hers. "Can't end well. Just gonna make me want you all over again." He could feel how red his face was, and Minako must have seen it because she shook her head, still laughing, and lay back down against the pillow. Shinjiro took a deep breath, propped himself up on his elbow, and bent over to plant a rough little kiss on a curl of hair that was playing over her forehead.

"I do, you know," he said quietly.

Minako raised an eyebrow." You what?"

"I…like this," mumbled Shinjiro. "I like it a lot."

"Oh." Minako nestled her head against his shoulder again. "That's good. So do I."

They lay there in blissful silence for a few more magnificent moments until the clock began to strike the hour. One of the windows in Shinjiro's room was partly open, still, and outside he could see the moon dressed in the shades of sickly green that always marked the coming of the Dark Hour.

"You should…probably go back," he said." It's late as hell."

Minako peered up at him. "Do you want me to go?"

"Do you have to ask?" Shinjiro scowled. "What does it look like?"

"Then I'll stay," insisted Minako, closing her eyes again. "Who's afraid of the Big Bad Dark Hour, anyway?"

Outside in the hallway, someone opened a door. Shinjiro could hear footsteps and then the sound of muffled voices.

"Senpai," asked Minako, "what are you going to do when the Dark Hour ends?"

Shinjiro shrugged. "Be freakin' glad it's over, that's what."

"No, that's not what I meant and you know it." Minako shook her head against his shoulder. "I mean, don't you have plans? You won't have to worry about your persona anymore. You won't have to fight. What are you going to do instead?"

Shinjro shrugged. "Dunno. Can't say I've ever thought about it that much."

"What…really?" demanded Minako. "Not ever? But-!"

"You want to go to a movie or something?" Shinjiro heard himself ask. He froze, coughed, and then added, "Uh…if you want. You don't have to, or anything."

"You mean…right now?" Minako sounded confused. "But, it's the middle of the night."

"Nah, not right now you idiot." Shinjiro snorted a laugh. "I mean, after it's all over. When the Dark Hour's done, and when we don't have to fight. When it's all over, you want to go out with me? Doesn't have to be a movie. Could be anything. Whatever you want."

Minako didn't say anything for a long time. The longer the silence went on, the more tense Shinjiro felt. He had the sense that his question had been a stupid one, and that they were doing this thing all out of order anyway. Going out together was supposed to come first, before sleeping together. That was the way nice guys were supposed to work.

_Shit, _he thought. _I did this all wrong, and now I'm screwed. She's gotta think I'm some kind of-!_

"That's it?" asked Minako, interrupting his thought process. "That's what you want to do when the Dark Hour's over? Not go to college, or travel the world, or become a famous baseball player?"

"Hey, I'm not Junpei," muttered Shinjiro.

"Well, I know, I just…" Minako sounded frustrated. "Going to a movie isn't a very big dream. It seems so easy."

_Easy for you to say, maybe, _thought Shinjiro. _You have no fucking idea how hard it was to ask that damn question. _

"Who needs big dreams?" he managed to say. "Anyway, this one's big enough for me. It's all I can think about right now. It's…all I've been thinking about for weeks." He cleared his throat and found that he couldn't look at her. He didn't want to see disappointment or distaste in her eyes for a guy who fucked first and asked questions later. _This wasn't how it was supposed to go…_

"Okay," said Minako. "Well…sure, when the Dark Hour ends, we'll celebrate by going out to a movie."

Shinjiro blinked. "Y-yeah? You sure? I mean…"

"And I want to go walk around and look at the stars," added Minako. "I want to see what the night looks like without Tartarus, and without the Dark Hour, and without shadows. Let's have a midnight picnic, too. Okay?"

She smiled at him, and he felt his heart do some kind of horribly amazing flip in his chest. _I am way too sick to play this game. If she keeps doing this kind of shit to me, I am going to die, _he realized, and he didn't care at all.

"Just the two of us," Minako finished.

"O-okay," muttered Shinjiro. "Yeah. Yeah, I'd…like that. It's, uh…it's a date."

"A date," agreed Minako happily. "Don't forget, okay?"

Eventually, Minako did have to go back to her room. She found the rest of her clothes, kissed Shinjiro on the cheek, and headed back down the hallway towards the stairs. Shinjiro stood in the doorway and watched her go, full of a lot of complicated and amazing feelings about the future that he'd never even bothered to consider before.

_It's a date, huh? Yeah…I'm looking forward to it. _He grinned to himself. Not even the Dark Hour could dampen his mood.

He wandered down to the dorm kitchens, and began messing around with leftovers in the cabinets.

_Wonder what she likes to eat for breakfast? _He frowned to himself. _Not sure. I guess I could make a couple of things. If I leave it outside her door in the morning, think she'll know it was me? Well…I mean, who the hell else could it have been? Not Fuuka. Not if it's edible…_

"Shinji? What the…what the HELL?"

Shinjiro's heart sank, and he turned around to see Akihiko standing on the stairs and gaping at him in shock. "Did you just…what was Minako doing in your room at this hour"

Akihiko's eyes narrowed, and his fists clenched at his sides. There was hurt and anger in his face, and Shinjiro suddenly didn't feel quite so good anymore.

"Shit," he muttered.


	3. Three: Past

**Three: Past**

"Hey…hey, are you okay?" Akihiko's voice snapped Shinjiro out of his little jaunt down memory lane.

"What? Oh…uh…yeah. Fine. Sorry." Shinjiro grimaced, looked down and discovered that he was still holding the frying pan. "Dinner. Right."

Akihiko frowned. "Are you getting tired? I already told you, you don't have to cook. If you want, I can do it. I mean, I've seen you make eggs enough times, and making rice isn't that hard."

Shinjiro glared at him. "Not a chance. You're almost as bad as that numbskull Fuuka was. I have no idea how you survived for so long on the shit you make."

"Fuuka?" Akihiko nodded slowly. "Oh, so that's what you were thinking about. You got this weird, dazed look on your face just now. You were thinking about stuff back in Iwatodai, right? You know…back when we were in SEES."

Shinjiro nudged irritably at the eggs with a fork. "I wasn't thinking about Fuuka, he muttered.

Akihiko nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, I know."

For a few minutes they sat together in the midst of a vaguely tense and uncomfortable silence, while Shinjiro continued to mess around with the omelet.

"We, uh…we can talk about this, if you want," mumbled Akihiko awkwardly. "I mean…if you want to talk about Minako, then-!"

"Don't be an ass," snarled Shinjiro. "The hell would I want to talk about that for? Anyway, this isn't a conversation you and I should have. We're basically rivals for the same girl, so it's not like there's anything good we've got to say to each other about it."

"Hey, come on." Akihiko sighed. "It was thirteen years ago. That 'rival' shit doesn't matter anymore; not between us."

"You only say that," countered Shinjiro through gritted teeth, "because you won. In the end, you're the one that got the girl, so-!"

"What the hell are you talking about?" Akihiko turned on Shinjiro angrily. "Neither of us 'got the girl.' She's gone, okay? We both fucking lost. There's nothing for us to fight about anymore."

There was pain in Akihiko's voice, and Shinjiro remembered seeing that same kind of pain in his eyes thirteen years ago, when Akihiko had confronted him in the kitchen after catching Minako coming out of his bedroom.

"Y-yeah," mumbled Shinjiro, after another long moment of silence. "Sorry."

The timer on the rice cooker beeped. Neither of the two men even turned to look at it. Akihiko sighed.

"She loved you first, you know," he said eventually.

Shinjiro shrugged. "So what? Doesn't matter."

"Like hell it doesn't." Akihiko shook his head. "They say you never forget your first love, right? Well? I know that's true just by looking at your pathetic face."

Shinjiro winced. "Look, Aki…let's drop this, all right? I'm not up for this right now. You're right, I'm tired. I'm tired as shit. Let's just-!"

But Akihiko apparently wasn't ready to let it go. "The whole time she and I were dating," he went on, "she insisted on spending two nights a week sitting in the hospital next to your bed. Didn't matter what we had to do, or if there was a mission that night or not. Didn't matter if she had homework, or exams, and it didn't matter who else asked her to hang out. She went twice every fucking week, and I went with her."

Shinjiro put the frying pan down, and stared. "What?"

"Yeah." Akihiko smiled grimly at him. "She talked to you, too. We both did. We told you about school, and about clubs. She told you all about the stupid shit her friends did, and about how well she did on her exams. On January first, I found her all alone in your hospital room crying to you about Ryoji. She wouldn't even cry in front of me, but you…you were a different story."

Shinjiro wasn't exactly sure what to say. "I…I didn't know. Sorry."

"Of course you didn't know," muttered Akihiko, exasperated. "You were dead to the world, right? How the hell were you supposed to know?"

"Uh…" Shinjiro stared at the eggs. "Look, I…"

"I'm not even mad." Akihiko shook his head. "Seriously, I'm not. I wasn't mad then, either. You don't get it, do you? You never got it."

"Got what?" Shinjiro asked. "What the hell are you going on about?"

Akihiko spun around and glared at Shinjiro. "Minako was the only other person on the planet who knew what it felt like to really miss you. She wasn't the only person who lost someone she loved that night, okay?"

"H-hey…" Shinjiro was startled. "What the-?"

"I didn't have to lie around her," muttered Akihiko, more to himself now than to Shinjiro at all. "I didn't have to pretend that it didn't hurt like hell. She didn't have to be strong around me, either. We could both admit to being scared that maybe you weren't coming back. Everybody else kinda moved on and got distracted by their own shit, but Minako…she got it. We were fighting for the same damn reason, and we were fighting the same thing inside ourselves. With her it all just made sense…and even that was because of you."

The rice cooker beeped insistently again. Akihiko swung around, strode over to it and wrenched it open.

"Rice's done," he muttered.

Shinjiro didn't move.

"Aki," he began again, uncertainly.

Akihiko unplugged the rice cooker, and watched as it began to cool down.

"Yeah," he said with his back to Shinjiro. "I loved her. I was crazy about her, but let's get one thing straight. It was never a contest. It was always you…for both of us."

"Uh…" Shinjiro's mouth had gone dry.

"I'm glad you're here," said Akihiko. "Doesn't matter what happened before. We got nothing to fight about, all right?"

"O-Okay," agreed Shinjiro.

Akihiko nodded. "Good. Then…I'll go find some plates."

He stormed into the other room, and Shinjiro sat in the empty kitchen for a moment, thinking about love and the damage it somehow always managed to do.

_Girls are trouble, _he reminded himself, but his heart wasn't really in it this time. This time, he was pretty sure that he'd caused most of the trouble all by himself.

**Author's End Note: **So, am I suggesting in this story that there was romantic/sexual tension between Shinjiro and Akihiko?  
No, I'm not (although you're welcome to read it that way if you'd prefer.)

I think that sometimes non-romantic and non-sexual relationships can be even stronger, and can contain even more love than the romantic and sexual ones. We so often forget that two people who are paired together can't necessarily eliminate or even rival the bond between two people who've been friends for years.

I think that's what this is all about.


End file.
